collisionbend.com

As I prepare for this Christmas holiday, I had a few thoughts I wish to share:

For the city, the area, its businesses and its residents, I wish a new sense of hope and consideration of others, a renewed vision of the future, and the spirit and drive to renovate, improve, build and develop the wonderful and unique resources this region has to offer;

For the Browns, I wish a team with spirit and desire, power and grace, some great draft picks this spring, and a little more maturity and class than they have shown this year (specifically, I refer you to the showboating after good plays, like Alvin McKinley’s after sacking Ben Roethlisberger when the Browns were down 20-0, and the offense had been totally outclassed in yardage 200+ to 2 and first downs 10+ to 0, and the defense had been shredded on almost every previous play; there was no place for showboating here. A common phrase has always been, “act like you’ve been there before” — obviously, these guys haven’t.);

For the Indians, an expanded budget from owner Larry Dolan, without which they will not ascend to the levels of a decade ago, and without which will signal another 40 years of wandering in the desert;

For the Cavaliers, more defense, more offense, a lack of injuries, and a great season from LeBron James;

For Frank Jackson, the courage and wisdom to lead this city into the next decade by keeping his eyes and ears open, and when it is time to speak that he be able to speak wisely, honestly and candidly, and that he be graced with the ability to guide this city toward its potential as one of the neatest cities in the country in which to live;

For the city and its environs, I wish the cooperation of area residents, City Council, the media, and area businesses to work together to help us all achieve these goals;

For North East Ohio area bloggers, that they may continue to have the courage, gumption and heart to open their hearts and minds to the vastness of the Internet, the area’s complexities, and to support and encourage a spirit of goodwill amongst all Greater Clevelanders;

And for you, Dear Constant Reader, I wish all the proper blessings that this season has to offer, that this season may be one filled with peace, light, hope, grace, prosperity, and good will.

Merry Christmas.

Carson Williams had to shut it down.

I’m talking about this, an imaginative light display on his house just outside of Mason, Ohio, a suburb of Cincinnati. In case you’re wondering, the music is “Wizards of Winter” by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

Now, I have a few links in this article, and I have a bit of information; not all of the information here is contained in the articles linked, but I have all of this on good information, all of which is available through a google search.

Carson Williams is an engineer living near Cincinnati, Ohio. He created this Christmas light display with the help of software from Microsoft. In fact, the developer from Microsoft sent Williams the software just before he moved to the Cincinnati area himself, and had no idea where William lived…

Anyway, I digress…

Williams has achieved national attention with this light show; he has been interviewed by Matt Lauer on NBC’s Today Show, and had this video published all over the Web. I received this video in an email at my last job, and certain Flash developers there were convinced that it was staged. They weren’t alone.

It was not, in fact, staged; it was entirely too real. It was fantastic, in fact.

The music was delivered by a low-power FM radio broadcast on 96.6 FM (FM broadcasts under a certain wattage don’t need to be certified by the FCC). Williams had two other light displays that ran along with this display, in sequence; “Wizards in Winter” was the most elaborate.

Williams voluntarily shut the display down recently due to safety concerns (I don’t recommend this link due to extremely annoying Flash advertising!). Lines to see the extravagant display took up to 45 minutes just to get through to the street. Evidently, there was an accident where the safety forces couldn’t respond to the area quick enough due to the heavy volume of traffic, so Williams shut the display down.

It’s too bad; this was a nice display of human engineering, of something that could be accomplished with a little thought and ingenuity.

My bride received this email today and passed it along to me; I thought I’d share it with all of you anti-Wal*Mart folks out there, figuring you’d get a kick out of it. A couple of them are downright hilarious; some are banal; others are gross (fair warning hereby given!), but funny if you think about them (obviously, this list was made by a guy with far too much time on his hands!).

NOTE: I did not write this list, and I take absolutely no responsibility if you try these stunts! While I have issues with how Wal*Mart does business, I have to admit that they do fulfill a need within the community at large; my big issue with Wal*Mart is the Jane Campbell/Steelyard fiasco, which was handled in much the same way as many other items the current administration has handled inappropriately.

‘Nuff said about politics; now for the humor:

15 Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner is taking their dear, sweet time:

• 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they aren’t looking.
• 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
• 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
• 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, “Code 3 in housewares…” and see what happens.
• 5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.
• 6. Move a “CAUTION - WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.
• 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department.
• 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
• 9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
• 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.
• 11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.
• 12. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna look” using different size funnels.
• 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say “PICK ME! PICK ME!”
• 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!”
• 15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and, then, yell, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”

I know at least two of these will get you arrested, convicted, and put away for a very long time.

Or just put away.

Have fun!

(Cross-posted at blogcritics.org)

Yeah, I know, it sucks.

I’m talking about yet another Christmas season being crammed down our throats from October to January.

Ferrett has a few things on the burner regarding the “Merry Christmas” / “Happy Holidays” thing, so I’m not going to go there; he says it quite well enough for the both of us:

One of the main joys of not working in retail these days is not having to hear the same twelve songs played over and over and over and over again.

This is my main issue with Christmas. Right here.

See, Christmas season seems to bring out the absolute worst in people — particularly entertainers without a speck of talent (you thought I was going to complain about people’s bad driving? Hah!). Most of these folks think that they should do a Christmas CD, that somehow, mysteriously, will help their career.

Not quite. Don’t even go there.

I’m really getting sick of going into a store and being forced to listen to some lame-assed, downright awful rendition of an ancient song that had meaning at one time, and obviously not to the entertainer singing it (that is, if you can call it singing). They sing sour notes, over-slur the glissandos, scream, wail and belch their way through what used to be pretty music extolling the reason for the season.

All the while, they think they’re sounding pretty good; all I want to do is retch. It usually sounds like they’ve been hitting the egg nog just a wee bit too hard.

(By the way, I went into a local Hallmark store back in October to get my wife a birthday card — which takes a while to find just the right one — and the folks in the store were playing the most horrendous version of Carlos Santana’s “Black Magic Woman” by some gal who couldn’t sing in tune, let alone in tempo. What made this even worse was that it was on an endless repeat cycle, replaying itself over and over and over and over and over — ad nauseum — or should I say, “no need to add nausea.”)

In my opinion, the only real good Christmas recording to come out in the last 30 years or so is the one by Bare Naked Ladies — and just about anything by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. The rest just don’t cut it, regardless of genre: they all stink because it’s all about money and ego.

I think I’m going to start wearing my iPod into stores; to Hell with them if they don’t like it.

We had the distinct honor and privilege of being invited to and attending Eric and Kat’s annual Bread and Soup Party yesterday.

I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

First off, you couldn’t have asked for a neater group of people; I didn’t meet everyone there — there was no way — but those I met were exceptional. Today I know why Eric says that he is quite particular about whom he calls “a friend.”

I probably had the greatest amount of conversation with Molly Holzschlag, a wonderfully interesting person with a neat angle on life and web design. It was a pleasure to talk with her and share some experiences.

I also met the Ferrett, whom I think is really funnier in person than in print. If you read his blog, you’ll know he’s funny already; seriously, I think he’s even funnier live and in person. Trust me, timing is everything, and his timing — while it shows in his writing — is better live.

Also, since his wife has turned him gay, he makes an outstanding black bean soup. Ferrett: I want that recipe!

And, yes, he was surrounded by a bevy of hot chicks — I kid you not!

My only regret was that we couldn’t stay longer, at least long enough to connect with Andy Clarke via iCam, and give him support for his work with his former client, Disney Store UK, which moved to another web design company and subsequently defenestrated accessibility and standards. Alas, the holidays have a way of mangling some of the best parts of itself…

All in all, we had an excellent time; my only hope is that we were as gracious guests as Eric and Kat were as hosts. A big “Thank You!” and warm holiday wishes to the Meyers from the Bend.

I want this.

Sadly, this company doesn’t ship outside the UK. Didn’t they ever hear of UPS? I’m beside myself.

Finally. WordPress 1.5.2 installed on the Bend.

I haven’t upgraded for a while for a number of reasons: the new job (which now isn’t) took a lot of my time; school took a bunch of time as well; general life gets in the way (I don’t necessarily want to sit in front of a computer monitor for 16 hours a day); and the last upgrade (from 1.0.1 to 1.2.2) borked my entire site.

Not this time. Smooth as silk.

And I like this new version of WordPress. It handles plugins better. It’s faster. It’s more secure. It’s better at blocking SPAM (which I know will piss off a couple of folks who love to SPAM this site. AWWWWW!).

It has more gadgets and gizmos, and I like gadgets and gizmos. And yet it’s all familiar. Nice.

I upgraded another thing today: I refenestrated my house. It’s a little warmer in here now, also a little quieter. I hope it helps lower my heating bills. I’ve already lowered them some 45%, but that wasn’t too hard considering the bonehead that owned the place before us…

Another upgrade on the horizon: CB v3.0 is on the way, hopefully to be released before the New Year. Jello City. Won’t look too much different, but will be a little better for those of you on large screens (1600 pixels and larger).

And yet another upgrade in the works: I’m planning my office makeover. Woo-hoo!