collisionbend.com

By now you’ve noticed: I’ve redesigned. Again.

And while it only looks like a slight upgrade to you, it’s totally rebuilt from the ground on up to me: I’ve re-written the entire style sheet, re-worked the graphics, and tightened up the code.

I’ve also switched hosts: collisionbend.com is now hosted at mediatemple instead of Digital Space, where ole’ CB thrived for the last two years (well, that’s two years on April 18th — it didn’t quite make it).

I made the switch for a number of reasons: security (I was hacked three times in one day at the old server), speed, bandwidth, and the overall great feeling I had while talking and working with the folks at mediatemple. They’re great folks, and I recommend their service highly.

Not that the switch went without a hitch, either: I inadvertantly left creating my email address on the new server off my checklist, causing me to forget overlook this little glitch, and I left about 11 hours’ worth of email in the ditch.

Ooooops.

So if you sent me email between 11:00 p.m. Eastern on Thursday night and Noon today (Friday), I probably never received the email; please resend the email and accept my humblest apologies.

But that was the biggest goof-up in the whole process; no losing my entire database like I did when I upgraded WordPress the first time…

Anyway, I’m back up and running with no other issues, save for the fact that I still need to tweak my style sheet for the supporting pages. Er… I’m working on it, trust me. I still have some changes to make to the Photography and Portfolio pages because I don’t like the way I floated the images, and there are some menu issues across the board, as well.

I did all of this to make my site faster, leaner, meaner and easier to navigate. It also gives you a fresh look instead of the same-old, same-old. I hope you enjoy it.

(73.8 — 34.6 — 39.2)

Change is in the air. Lots of changes — lots of ‘em.

First off, I have three web sites under construction, two of which are on hold, and the third will go live some time next week. That third one, by the way, is a members-only site.

Then there is good ole’ CB itself, which will be sporting a few changes with my coming anniversary next month. I can’t address those changes here — yet — but I will in due time. Let’s just leave it that I’m sprucing up the site, as well as making it faster. No, I’m not upgrading to WordPress 2.0, either — but I might at some point. I just don’t see the need for a WYSIWYG interface.

I am also waiting on approval to create another site, which hopefully will come some time this week. This is the one that’s making me anxious.

I hate waiting. Absolutely hate it.

Not that I’m not patient — if I’m anything, I’m patient. What gets to me is that this approval for the one site is the gateway to bigger and better things for me and my career, an opportunity that I can’t miss. It’s the difference between comfort and dreams on the one side, and another lean year at the Bend on the other. Your prayers are deeply appreciated, however you pray, and to whomever you pray to (as long as it isn’t evil).

Patience is an ally of mine, truth be told. I got married at the tender age of 44; I waited, and it turned out that it was the proper choice, as I’m far better off with my bride than I would be if I had married one of my prior relationships.

My career passion, web design and development, didn’t exist when I attended Ohio State. That didn’t come for almost 15 years after I left that fine institution. Again, I waited, and I’m glad I did: I really love the work.

The one place where I’m not as patient as I should be (and I usually don’t “should” myself) is in my attempt to lose weight: I want to reach my long-term goal now, not next week, next month, or 20 weeks from now (which is the healthy term, and the plan I’m on). I want it now.

Quite frankly, it’s harder work than I anticipated, and it’s not the easiest thing I have ever done, regardless of the excellent results I have achieved in the last 11 weeks (32.6 pounds lost).

So, what am I doing at the moment?

I’m sitting in the Wickliffe Arabica on Euclid Avenue and E. 293rd, avoiding the cold, sucking down some decaf, web surfing, blogging, listening to my iPod, thinking about the delicious, ice-cold Samuel Adams Black Lager I plan to quaff this Saturday night, and avoiding creating the slide show I need for a presentation I have to do next week.

I guess it’s in its own holding pattern.

*Sigh*

Back to work…

(73.8 — 32.6 — 41.2)

Wikipedia defines “engrish” as:

a pejorative or humorous slang term which refers to poor-quality attempts by Japanese writers (as well as other, particularly Asian writers) to create English words and phrases, whether in mistranslation of original Japanese text, or in an attempt to create original text in the English language.

There is even an official web site for this phenomenon.

Those who know me are aware that I have a severe issue with those who misuse and abuse the English language by using non-existant words, such as, “alot,” or combine words when they mean the separated terms, such as using “setup” as a verb when the proper term is “set up” (setup is a noun, as in, “my computer has an unusual setup”) or use horrific grammar, such as “check you spelling” (your) or “he is suppose to” (supposed).

This stuff drives me to utter distraction. To make matters worse, a lot of people who make these mistakes have decent educations, yet their writing frequently leaves me wondering how they ever successfully completed university.

Engrish, however, is another thing altogether (notice I did not use “all together” — which means something entirely different altogether).

Engrish is a non-English-speaking person’s attempt to communicate to us English-speaking veterans; such faux-pas are therefore acceptable, if not even sometimes downright hilarious.

Such is the case with a product I purchased this past weekend at Marc’s: a self-adhesive furniture pad from MeiAnJu (see photo). The front of the package states, “effective to protect household and avoid causing” and “applicable to the bottom of furniture like table and chair etc”

Oh-K. Causing what? And you can apply one of these to both a table and a chair?

Seriously, however, I get what they intend: the product is effective in protecting scratchable household products like floors, tables, chairs, doors, and more.

But the really humorous part is on the flip-side, the directions.

(As I don’t have a scanner at the moment, I had to photograph the package, so the image quality isn’t that great; I apologize for the blurriness.)

In the application section, the paragraph reads, (I didn’t edit the punctuation, by the way) “applicable to the foot of furniture and electric appliances such as chair, table, metal,china or glass ware…”

Wait a minute… china? You’re telling me you’re going to place one of these suckers on the bottom of some fine china? Maybe Ming Dynasty stuff? Whoa! Lace doilies, step aside!

And I can just imagine my bride’s reaction if I were to place some of these things on the bottom of some of our Lenox crystal knick-knacks. I wouldn’t be writing this blog from the Cleveland metropolitan region for very long, if I was even capable of writing after she found out — and rightfully so, as these things are absolutely ugly (they sure work, though).

Also, in the instructions, they direct the user to “stick the mat on the clean surface. for special purpose, stick more for thickening”

Oh-K. Double-thick on the bottom of our Lenox bowl, the one with the sharp corners every four inches on the rim, the corners that slice the hell out of my fingers every time I misplace something on the kitchen peninsula. That would look great — until I knock it off the peninsula and onto the stone tile floor…

The real killer, however, was this:

It reads: “Caution:Inflammable! Never store it at high temperature, please keep it properly after unpacking.”

So… if it’s inflammable, why can’t I store it next to my furnace?

C’mon! Ya gotta smile…

ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.

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