collisionbend.com

My bride and I attended this year’s Ohio Associated Press Award luncheon today in Columbus, where the Ohio Division of the AP gives out awards for the best in journalism among Ohio newspapers.

The News-Herald took Second Place in the General Excellence category for Ohio Division IV newspapers, those with circulation of 12,999 to 74, 999. Here’s the PDF of the judges’ comments (the selected paper was from the day after Pope John Paul II died):

This paper offered great breadth of coverage, good use of photos and graphics and inviting layouts. The Pope package works well. We especially liked the use of historical photos in the rail to chronicle the Pope’s career visually. Center piece photo was strong, and the inset type of the pope’s last words worked well. The refer package was clear and easy to read. Using an AA section for the “other” news of the day was a good touch, allowing readers to keep the main section as a souvenir. Baseball scouting reports were nicely presented. The package was clean and easy to read. It appears one staff member produced the bulk of this section. Quite an achievement! The “Display has wings” package is very effective. The art elements complement one another, and the graphic element in the headline is handled well. The second-day Katrina coverage is impressive.

To the staff of the News-Herald, I tip my brim. Nice job!

Normally, I wouldn’t write a blog post merely to announce something like this; I have reason to be proud tonight!

The other piece of news (the same PDF file) from today’s luncheon was a whopper: my bride won First Place for Best Editorial Writer (Ohio Division IV) with high praise (the citation refers mainly to her editorial on the hiring of former Cleveland Cavalier’s forward Danny Ferry as General Manager of the Cavs; for those of you who don’t catch it, the reference to “The Rock” is about the Indians’ Rocky Colavito):

Laura Kessel is clear, organized and eventempered. Anyone who invokes the memory of “The Rock” has to have her finger on the readers’ pulse.

Aw, shucks… I coulda’ told you that….

(73.8 — 46.0 — 27.8)

For the first time in over 15 years, I’m under 200 pounds.

Words cannot express my joy.

I’ve worked hard at this, and I still have a long way to go — about another 28 pounds — but I have to take a moment and reflect on this milestone and what it means.

First off, I’m now having trouble with my high blood pressure medication. My readings today were 16 points lower than they have been — on both scales — in recent years while using the medication. If I move too fast, I get dizzy in a hurry.

It’s just about time to let the medication go, and I can’t be happier about it: I hate using medication of any kind, save for those that are essential, like for my sinuses and acid reflux, because I can’t do anything about those conditions. Besides, a good dose of common sense helps deliver comfort in these areas.

I’ve lost 4+” on my waist, and almost 6″ in my chest: my pants were a tight 38 when I started, and now they’re a loose 34, while my suit jacket size has gone from a tight 48 regular (or loose 50 regular) to a nice, even 44 regular. Time for new clothes, methinks…

My sleep apnea and snoring problem are both gone, thank God: I’m sleeping better and getting more rest, although I’m currently slowed by a pinched nerve in my upper back, which requires a heating pad and some kneading — and a little ibuprofen at times.

But — I’ll take it. It’s a hell of a lot better than weighing in some 75 pounds overweight, tired as hell all day long, hoarse from snoring all night, and squeezing into my clothes.

So I’m celebrating a little this evening — with a bottle of Samuel Adams Black Lager (sorry, age verification required), possibly the very best beer brewed in America today, served nicely chilled in a tall crystal pilsner glass with a gold rim.

And boy, does it ever taste good.

(73.8 — 46.0 — 27.8)

My bride and I were sitting in a local coffee shop recently, doing our marriage time, when we overheard a scary guy with a laptop in the corner tell a friend on his cell phone that he had “just updated his Battlestar Galactica page.”

My bride and I looked at each other, shook our heads, and went on about our business. Obviously, he had other priorities than we when it came to watching television.

In our house, we watch television late at night, mostly as a way for my bride to wind down from a stressful day at work. But we have regular shows that we watch, either because they are good, or because they are interesting.

So while we were visiting some relatives this past Easter Sunday, the discussion came up about what shows people watched.

CSI: came in #1 by far, although different people liked different versions: my brother likes the original (Las Vegas); one of his in-laws prefers Miami, but hates New York; we like New York the best (probably because of our familiarity with the New York area, and because we both are fans of Gary Sinise), although we watch all three.

When we started including other shows, a familiar theme arose, leading me to wonder what is going on with network TV these days.

Personally, we also watch Without A Trace, Criminal Minds, House, Two and a Half Men, and Monk.

With the exception of Two and a Half Men, all of them are pretty much cookie-cutter programs, in that they all follow a pre-set script, and they all tend to be the same thing from week to week; only the names have been changed to protect the ignorant.

Now, I can understand Monk, as it comes from the same vein as Rockford Files — humor. Humor differs from comedy in that it is a more serious look at life from a particular aspect. Humor makes you grin rather than laugh; it makes you think rather than react. You come away with something rather than leaving your baggage behind.

The rest all show the same thing every week. House battles a mysterious ailment every week, tries exactly three diagnoses (all wrong or partially wrong), the patient deteriorates severely only to be saved at the last minute by an off-track thought that brings to mind some obscure disease and an off-beat, controversial cure. In the meantime, he’s rude and crude, he insults just about everybody, he gets almost fired every episode, and he always walks away as the good guy in the end.

Oh yes, I almost forgot — the patients almost always end up in a “clean room” at some point during the show. Personally, I’m disappointed when this doesn’t happen.

Criminal Minds is a good show, although if you watch it regularly, you’d get the impression that every other person in the world is a serial killer. They have a new serial killer every week — as opposed to every eight or ten years or so in real life. And they always catch their “unsub” (just what the hell is an “unsub,” anyway?) just before he kills another victim.

Without a Trace actually has variant endings, and a really good premise, although it can be hard to watch if you have children and the subject of the story is a child. In the variant endings, sometimes the subjects survive, sometimes they die, and sometimes they are never found. But the usual track of the show is that someone goes missing, and the team tracks down the person’s whereabouts at the same time that they track the suspect.

Crossing Jordan simply gets on our nerves at this point, so we switched to Grey’s Anatomy. I haven’t found a pattern in Grey’s yet, but I’ll let you know when I find it.

The old series “The FBI” started this whole mess, with every criminal having the surname “Trask.” Then there’s NYPD Blue, when just about every crime started in, or centered around, or they captured a criminal in — or near — a “bodega.”

I guess just about every street corner in New York City has a bodega. Whether or not it’s a true bodega leaves the question unresolved — it’s just a cool-sounding word; recent crime dramas are in now love with “petechiael hemmoraging,” the latest hot sound bite in television lore.

When they find my dead body, I think they’ll find evidence of petechiael hemmoraging because I choked to death on all these repeated hot sound bites. With all of this, it’s a good thing I don’t play the CSI: Miami Drinking Game.

The other show we get to see now is the Sopranos, because a friend of ours brings the tape into the newsroom every Monday. Leave it to HBO to create one of the finest, most intelligent television shows I’ve seen in a long time. Well, since Sex and the City, at least. We started watching it this year, we’re about half-way through the season, and we’re totally hooked — and it has the best music, too. This is the show’s last season. It figures.

The X-Files are now off the air, sadly, as I always liked the show; they all have their time, I suppose. The return of Battlestar Galactica is, of course, an anomaly. I hear it’s a good show; somehow, however, I just can’t see being forever chased through the heavens by Cylons a feasible plot for a long-running television series.

But like Star Trek, it supposedly brings up social issues designed to make you think about how we could change some of society’s ills, which might not be such a bad thing.

Maybe we’re watching the wrong stuff. What do you watch?

(73.8 — 42.0 — 31.8)

These two are about to find out their fate.

In short, they entered a Near West Side deli one evening around Christmas, 2004, to rob the place. For some unexplained reason, they began shooting, killing two innocent people in the process.

One person who died was a friend of the store owner. He was shot because he didn’t open the cassh register fast enough.

The other was a 21-year-old girl, the mother of a newborn in search of a particular formula for her baby. Her husband had just dropped her off at the store and circled the block; when he came back around to pick her up, she lay dead.

Here one moment; gone the next.

The killers might end up with the death penalty; then again, they may not. Either way, they’re going to end up in prison.

A life sentence won’t be enough, and neither will the death penalty. I say this because we — as a society — have sanitized our penal sentences to make them more humane.

Instead of hanging, electrocuting or gassing our criminals these days (or the proverbial firing squad), we now strap them to a table and inject them with a lethal poison. It’s quick and painless, a civil, “pleasant” end to a violent criminal’s life.

Does anyone else see the incongruity in this?

These guys entered the store to rob it, then started shooting. Innocent lives were suddenly — and violently — taken from us with a savagery that few, if any, of us will ever experience.

Having experienced a loved one’s sudden death (and another’s long, drawn-out expiration), I can tell you that neither is pleasant, but a sudden death when there is absolutely no reason to expect it is cruel not only to the victim, but to the survivors, as well.

A spirit, an energy, a force within your life is inexplicably and forcefully removed from your life — without warning — and you’re left to deal with the consequences.

It leaves a hole in you that can be bigger than life itself.

And we choose a serene method of death for our criminals.

Now, I’m not going to argue the efficacy — or the propriety — of capital punishment here. It is what it is. It’s here, and I can’t change that. The death penalty doesn’t solve anything; “an eye for an eye” hardly provides solace for the stricken families or society.

But, then again, neither does life imprisonment.

I have come to the point where I think the courts may be somewhat out of touch with society as far as sentencing criminals is concerned. Punishments rarely, if ever, fit the crime.

The current method of carrying out the death penalty is a prime example: if we were to really do it right, shouldn’t they be kept unaware of their sentence, then summarily — and just as unexpectedly, terrifyingly and violently — execute them in a similar manner to what they used to kill their victims?

Think about this: the BTK killer will spend the rest of his life in prison. I’m OK with that, as the death penalty doesn’t apply to his crimes due to the state of the law at the time of the murders.

The problem with him is that he enjoys being treated badly, being deprived. Aren’t we serving him by imprisoning him for life? Any “punishment” we mete out for him will be a sentence of enjoyment.

I agree, he is a sick S.O.B., and he deserves a lot more than what we are giving him — but what? The same goes for Rembert and Williams: they took lives indiscriminately, terrifyingly and violently — and then lied about it on the stand.

While I consider myself a social liberal (I’m fiscally conservative, and therefore an Independent voter), this is one place where I agree with the death penalty, even though it solves little, including violent crime. One thing’s for certain, however: we’ll be better off as a society without them.

Rembert and Williams deserve what they will get.

The stricken families, on the other hand, don’t deserve what they got — heartwrenching loss.

(73.8 — 39.2 — 34.6)

A couple of quick sightings from a trip to the grocery store (one that’s being remodeled at the moment):

From Aisle 5: I haven’t quite figured out yet which they are talking about — is it food for bad dogs, or is it really *bad* dog food?

Yeah, I’m trying to quit… but I don’t need reminders quite this graphic!

So I’m sitting in the Wickliffe Arabica at the moment, doing a little web surfing, and totally enjoying the 6Mbps (6 mips) bandwidth on my mighty little iBook…

I’d be at home, normally, and if I was surfing, I’d be enjoying a nifty 2.8Mbps bandwidth — which is certainly nothing to sneeze at. I recently upgraded my DSL service (and lowered my monthly bill at the same time) to the higher speed, and I’m glad I did.

Still, there comes a time when you have to get out of the house and change your environment. My little white friend makes it possible.

So all of a sudden, without my knowledge, some guy starts playing a guitar in the other room. Yes, I know, he was hired to entertain, but I really can’t stand what he is playing.

Just not my cup of tea — or coffee, as the current case may be.

No offense, and none directed to the entertainer, but if I had a choice between him and listening to my toilet flush, I’d pick the toilet, sorry…

So what’s a guy to do? Heavens to Murgatroid!

Well, I whipped out my other little white friend — my trusty iPod. I donned my earplugs and turned it on. Pat Metheny Group… “Travels”… “Are You Going With Me?”… turn up the volume… and I’m…

…gone — iPod Heaven.

I have to admit, the iPod is a pretty cool device. I haven’t packed it full of my music — only about 2.5GB worth — but that’s enough. I don’t need to have my entire music collection with me, and my iPod Mini (OK, so it’s silver! Poetic license? Maybe?) wouldn’t hold it all, anyway.

Besides, when I really take a good look at what I listen to, I really only listen to about half of my music collection anyway. So I synched it up with some of my favorites: a little jazz, some blues, some classic rock, some flamenco, a bit of avant-garde guitar music, a little classical, and some of my more eclectic stuff.

And I’m happy with that. If I want more, I’ll put more on, but right now, I have what I want. Here’s a cross-section: Pat Metheny Group, Santana, Beck, Eric Clapton, Led Zeppelin, DiMeola McLaughlin & DeLucia, Beatles, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Pink Floyd, Peter Gabriel, Ottmar Liebert, Oscar Lopez, Mark Snow, Golden Earring, Frank Sinatra (you bet!), The Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo (great background music for those creative moments), Bèla Fleck, Billy Joel, U2, Cleveland Orchestra/Beethoven and Mozart, Electric Light Orchestra, Neil Diamond…

A little variety never hurt anybody, as my grandmother used to say…

It’s a great invention. I’m glad I bought it. Now don’t have to lug around all those vinyl albums anymore — they were getting heavy!

I keep getting emails from James Brodbelt Harris (don’t worry — I placed a “nofollow” on that link!). He’s running for political office somewhere in Ohio (I don’t care where — I’m never going to vote for him, please read on).

I can’t opt out of his email.

I never opted in for his email.

I have no idea where he got my email address, but I did not give him permission to use it under any circumstance. I have emailed him several times asking him to cease and desist. I still get his unsolicited emails.

It’s time to take the gloves off. Below is a copy of the complaint I filed against Mr. Harris with the FTC, about his violating the CAN-SPAM Act of 2003.

I cannot countenance, for any reason whatsoever, his election, because he is — in *my* honest opinion — breaking the law every time he emails me — or anybody else that never had the chance to either opt out or to decline his communication. Such is the definition of Unsolicited Commercial Email (”commercial” in this sense meaning that he is urging me to spend my vote with him rather than with an opponent).

Here is the copy of my complaint:

~ (personal lines deleted) ~
Subject of Your Complaint: Computers/Internet Services
Name of Company You Are Complaining About: James Brodbelt Harris, Harris for Ohio
Street Address: 1172 Muirwood Dr.
City: Zanesville
State or Canadian Province: Ohio
Country: UNITED STATES
Zip Code or Postal Code: 43701
Company Web Site: http://www.harrisforohio.com
Company E-Mail Address: HarrisForOhio@aol.com
Phone Number: (740)408-2495 Ext.
How Did the Company Initially Contact You?: E-mail
Explain Your Problem: (Please limit your complaint to 2000 characters.): I keep receiving email from Mr. Harris, a candidate for some political office nowhere near my electoral area. I have written email to him several times asking him to stop sending emails to me (e.g., “please quit SPAMMING me”), to no avail.

He has no opt-out link in his emails.

I did not opt-in for his emails, nor did I ever give him any sort of permission to email me.

I still get his emails — AND I DON’T WANT TO RECEIVE HIS EMAILS.

You may or may not do anything about this; as far as I’m concerned, however, he is guilty of breaking the CAN-SPAM Act of 2003.

The gloves are now off.

Will Kessel
http://www.collisionbend.com

Again, I cannot countenance his election, for he is breaking the very law he stands to uphold.

Hell, I’m not even a Republican.

UPDATE (4.6.2006) — Today I received an email from Harris that I have been removed from the mailing list. Hoorah! His response leaves me a bit cold, however:

Dear Mr. Kessel,
Your email at your political blog [removed] has been removed from the HFO non-commercial distribution list.

I now have a political blog. A political blog! Imagine that! This is not a political blog, nor has that ever been my intent. I can play that role, however (with apologies to Richard Russo).

After checking incoming emails, HFO has never received a reply from your domain and does not agree with your assertion that any has been received.

I complained right after the very first email you sent me, guys! I can understand if you blame it on a SPAM filter, but please check again…

HFO regrets sending you any unwanted notices, and if you have copies of any responses you made with the email address to which you replied, then please forward so this possible subsequent error can be determined.

So that’s why my email address was harvested? I can see the scenario here: someone over there thought it was a grand idea to start emailing propaganda to bloggers, in the faint hopes that they might get some publicity — and some extra votes.

It’s a nice strategy, even if it is a bit misguided. According to the CAN-SPAM Act of 2003, it is illegal to harvest (either by machine or by human interaction) email addressees for the purpose of sending commercial emails to that recipient.

For some time, all emails distributed all have a proper reply email address and a method to reply with the word “remove” in subject line. Thanks for your noticing this issue, which has been corrected, HFO

A proper reply email address? Not quite! It is not good enough, nor does it comply with the law, for the recipient to just hit “Reply.” It doesn’t work that way. Someone needs to do some homework.

(By the way, I replied directly to the first email — to Harris’ AOL email address. Perhaps he missed it.)

It is obvious to me that this guy thinks he can ignore the law of the land in order to gain an office in which he will supposedly protect that very same law. Interesting.

Would *you* want to vote for a guy like that? I didn’t think so; there’s a lot of folks up in arms about that very same issue with a certain somebody that lives at this residence.

So I was removed from his mailing list. And, along with my notice that I had been removed, I received another email — from HFO.

You guessed it: another unsolicited email missive about his misguided campaign.

The Pee Dee’s Monday Moaning feature intrigues me.

Don’t get me wrong — I like the column immensely. It’s the first thing I read on Monday morning, usually at a time when I can use a good laugh to get my week off to a good start. Today’s column was no failure at this.

For those of you visiting this site from another town and not familiar with this column, I’ll explain: The Plain Dealer publishes a certain phone number every day for this column; if you have something to say, call the number and say your piece. They publish the best beef each Monday.

In other words, if you bring the whine, they have the cheese. Here’s today’s column; I’ve blockquoted it here so that you don’t have to flip back and forth.

MOTOR MOUTH AWARD: “I think it’s a form of harassment for bill collectors to call you on Sunday. Even the Lord rested on Sunday.” — Cleveland

I can go two ways with this one: one, I agree, it’s wrong, because you have no idea what faith (if any) someone practices. Two, it’s OK, because what about a collector that calls a Muslim on Friday, or a Jew on Saturday? I’m sure this happens, too. So by the same token, it’s not OK; let them have the same calling hours as telemarketers.

What bothers me about this is that it comes from the assumption that everyone in the country practices some type of Christian faith, which just ain’t so.

Not everyone believes in the same things in the same way I do; this is why I keep my mouth shut on religious issues, save for the one where people are trying to shove their beliefs down my throat.

“To the heartless, hateful person who was in such a rush on Howe Road in Strongsville that they couldn’t wait for the goose to cross the road and plowed into it, leaving it to die.” — Brook Park

That’s just cold.

“Parents who bring their little kids into bars and plop them on a barstool so they can watch a sports game. It’s not right, and they are morons.” — Berea

Not to mention just plain wrong.

“A big, fat Monday moan to the idiot driving the dark SUV who nearly caused several accidents on northbound Interstate 271 while playing road-rage games with the silver PT Cruiser.” — Broadview Heights

I can’t tell you the number of airheads in SUVs I’ve seen that think they either own the highway, or that they are indestructible. People die just as quickly and easily in an SUV as they do in a little Honda Civic; they have no business playing road-rage games on an forever-crowded freeway.

“Can someone please tell me why the only tomatoes I can find in the stores are grown in either Mexico, Canada or Holland? Don’t we grow any in the U.S.A. anymore?” — Seven Hills

Sure, we grow tomatoes in the U.S., but they’re so expensive that we end up feeding them to the pigs (which is why our pork is more expensive, by the way). It’s cheaper and more efficient to import tomatoes than to sell our own. It’s also in our best interest for us to stay unemployed and let the rest of the world have meaningful jobs.

Silly you!

(Pssst! Wanna buy some swampland?)

“The adults who stole the money for Operation Rice Bowl from the first-graders at St. Stanislaus. They raised that money for the poor, even poorer than they are.” — Cleveland

It’s really too bad that, most likely, the adults that did such a dastardly deed cannot read, and therefore won’t see your comment. We have, they don’t, so they steal rather than work for what they need. It’s pretty low, I agree.

“I can’t imagine why the Garfield Heights mayor, the city planners and others would allow workers to start construction on Transportation Boulevard on the opening weekend of City View Plaza.” — Garfield Heights

My driving instructor in high school used to have a saying he called “the Five P’s”: Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance. The older I get, the more this seems to apply — to just about everything.

Personally, I can’t imagine why the folks who planned the City View Plaza didn’t check with the local governments to find out when that construction was going to start and plan around it in the first place; the information is freely available, and has been talked to death over the last couple of years.

“I hate when salesmen call me ‘young lady.’ I’m 67 years old. I’m not a young lady. I know it, and they know it. I find it insulting.” — Willoughby

I agree; that’s just rude. But, then again, that’s they way of salespeople: the ruder they are, the more effective they seem to be. It’s why I got out of sales; I can’t stand being rude to people.

It’s also why I never answered the lady who emailed me with “natural, organic solutions” for me to buy (from her, of course) to help me quit smoking: the only answer I could possibly give her would have been quite rude. Instead, I just placed her email address on my server’s blacklist and went on my merry way.

Do I need help quitting smoking? Yes, I do; I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m addicted to nicotine. Thing is, I’m not going to buy “natural solutions” to help me quit: I’m not so stupid that I’ll buy snake oil, and I’m personally insulted that someone would think otherwise.

“Ninety percent of waiting rooms have TV sets, and it’s impossible to read. Why can’t they provide a quiet waiting room?” — Lorain

The only waiting rooms I have seen that have TV sets are in hospital emergency rooms, and those TV sets come in real handy to distract me from the pain I’m feeling when I sit in a hospital emergency room’s waiting area. Fortunately, I haven’t done that very often.

I grew up in a large family, and I read a lot. I had to learn to read with a TV blaring away in another room (and a lot of times it was Lawrence Welk, by the way — my father was a big fan, a hmmm-a hmmm-a), so I learned to read and block out the environmental crap — to such a point that I used to go to the noisiest place I could find on the Ohio State campus in order to study — and why today I usually read with the TV on — loud.

Now, for one last piece of news, and my reaction to it…

The lady that hit Shawn Colvenbach, apparently, had a blood alcohol level of 0.14, almost double the legal limit in Ohio. Supposedly, Colvenbach would have lived had the last accident in the string not happened, and it may not have happened if the lady wasn’t allegedly drunk.

Drinking and driving is a serious offense: I think any time an intoxicated person gets into a car and kills another person, they should automatically be charged with premeditated, aggravated vehicular homicide, and if found guilty, be given an automatic minimum prison sentence.

• Premeditated, because they thought about it before they did it;
• Aggravated, because they were drinking — and shouldn’t have been driving;
• Vehicular, because they used a car;
• Homicide because they killed somebody.

I say this not because I’m a proponent of MADD, because I’m not; I do it for emphasis. The rest is just common sense.

Sadly, it would do little to prevent something like this from happening again… and again… and again… and again…

(73.8 — 36.2 — 37.6 — almost half-way!)