collisionbend.com

I’m a big Stephen King fan.

Big.

This means that I tend to read some interesting stuff, glean some interesting angles and opinions on things and events, and generally have a pretty warped view of reality when it comes to fantasy.

Oh-Kay.

Next month, the TNT cable network will present a new anthology of Stephen King works, entitled “Nightmares and Dreamscapes,” starting July 12 at 9:00 Eastern Time.

So you can imagine my joy when my bride came home with a press kit from TNT, complete with DVDs, photos, and a pillow — that is, if you can sleep after watching this.

I suggest that you not miss this series. The first installment, “Battleground,” starring William Hurt, will be presented commercial- and interruption-free. While this might seem a bit dramatic, it fits for this episode, as there is absolutely no dialogue in this installment.

Hurt plays Jason Renshaw, a hitman who murders a toy magnate (for hire), and then receives a package with interesting — and deadly — consequences.

You have to see it to believe it. I was totally stunned. This is probably the best Stephen King presentation yet, which includes “Misery” and “The Stand.”

I found my pulse racing, my breating labored, and my jaw slammed to the floor with every twist and turn in the story, masterfully directed by Brian Henson, son of the late Jim Henson, which should give you a clue as to what you will see in this episode.

If you’re a King fan, you’ll want to record this (use the DVR, not the VHS, OK?). If you’re a Rod Serling fan (like me), you’ll definitely want to record this.

Trust me: television never gets any better than this.

My tendonitis is just not going to go away very soon, no matter how long I wait and rest my wrists; I have to face the music: I can no longer play the guitar.

I’ve been trying to shake the condition for over 15 years now, but to no avail. I picked the guitar up the other day and played, and judging by the current pain in my wrists, it’ll probably be another 15 years before they’ll improve much.

So, with the recent passing of my PC (motherboard issues after 7 years of dedicated service), and a (somewhat) tight market for my professional services (I have work, just not enough to warrant the purchase of a new computer without raising cash), I have decided to sell my guitar.

It’s a 1993 Ovation Elite (American made) SuperShallow in Natural finish with a cutaway. It’s barely been played, and is in excellent condition.

As you can see on the image of the head, the tuning pegs are gold. Yep: real gold.

It also has the three-band graphic equalizer. The action has been lowered slightly (one shim), but is still tight, and it plays like a dream. The sound is outstanding, too: vibrant bass, excellent trebles, and a good midrange. You don’t see too many of these for sale on eBay, either: most folks who have this particular model never had the heart to part with them.

For me, it’s a necessity: I hate to sell it, and I think my mother would disown me if she knew (she’s probably in her grave right now, spinning like a lathe), but it serves me no purpose just sitting around my house collecting dust. It has to go.

So I’m looking to give it a new home, to someone that will care for it and play it often — and make it sing like it always could. It deserves no less.

It comes complete with it’s original case, a black strap, the original handbook, and several sets of unopened strings (I had almost an entire case of strings when my wrists blew out). The strings might be old, but they’ve never been used, or out of their packages.

If you’d like to purchase this beauty, please leave a comment in the space provided by clicking on the “comments” link below, and I’ll get back to you (comments are moderaed on this site; if you don’t want your comment visible, please indicate that as well).

It’s worth almost $1,200, and I paid almost $1,400 new; I’ll take the best offer over $850, cash only.

I hate spam.

I hate all spam, save for one version, and that one the original skit by Monty Python (for more information, go here, the semi-official web site actually maintained by Eric Idle).

I keep receiving one, perhaps twice a day or so, that intrigues me. No, I’m not going to click through and buy something.

This is sent by bµó¤W¹J¨ìªº£v£v±a¨ì»«À]¡ã¡ã¶ý¶ý¯Ê¿ú¶R¢Ú¢ä»¡¤W¤@ ¦¸¢²±i´N¦n!! at an overseas source, and the subject is bµó¤W¹J¨ìªº£v£v±a¨ì»«À]¡ã¡ã¶ý¶ý¯Ê¿ú¶R¢Ú¢ä»¡¤W¤@ ¦¸¢²±i´N¦n!!.

Oh-Kay. Um Hmm. So I’m really going to read this one, right?

Not on your life. I can’t even understand what it says. The writer must be on something serious — and if it’s that good, I want some.

Don’t ask me how it gets through SpamAssassin with a score of 70.687 (SpamAssassin requires a score of 5 to kill it), no discernable date sent, no verifyable IP or email addresses, but it does.

Inside, it talks about mortgages:

D s ea d r H u om s e O x wn f er,
Your c m re w di b t doesn’t matter to us!

Yeah, right. I can’t even read it, unless I try real hard to read between the letters, which is no easy task.

This is what spammers are doing these days to get their message through. It’s barely readable, and you have to take a lot of time to piece it together just to figure out what it says and decide if it’s something that you want to look into.

And in a universe where the average person spends 7 seconds reading an email, it’s traversed to the point where spam has been reduced to nothing more than white noise on the Internet. Very LOUD white noise, but white noise nonetheless.

What’s heartening about this is that Spam filters have reached the point where spam email is almost totally unreadable — much like my unedited typing, which generally has more typos and errors than Carter has little pills (or is that peanuts?).

What concerns me about it is that enough people still click through the links and get suckered in — enough for spammers to make millions.

I’m in the wrong business.

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